


Murdoc Pulls A Dio Both Literally And Figuratively

by ReplacementPasta



Category: Gorillaz, ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Genre: (Totally Not) OOC, Anal Sex, Blowjobs, Body Stealing, Cockney Accent, Come Swallowing, Deepthroating, Fourth Wall Break, M/M, Murdoc Has A Small Dick, Plot Twist, Pulling Vampires Out Of The Ground Like Turnips, Ridiculing Of Vanilla Hentai Stans, Roasting, Talk Of A Foursome, Too High To Speak English, Vampire Turning, Weed Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:40:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28382610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReplacementPasta/pseuds/ReplacementPasta
Summary: Murdoc and DIO fuck. Some other shit happens too but I'm sure you'd be able to piece it together in the tags, or something. I dunno.This wasn't sposed to be posted here but here we fuckin are.
Relationships: Dio Brando/Murdoc Niccals, Murdoc Niccals/Stuart "2D" Pot (implied but also kinda onesided)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 4





	Murdoc Pulls A Dio Both Literally And Figuratively

Once upon a time, Noodle and Murdoc Niccals were smoking some hash in the back of someone's pickup truck. "Hey, look what I can do!" exclaimed Murdoc. Murdoc inhaled his weed so hard smoke came out of his eye sockets.

"Ratto...assu," Noodle said, high af, and proceeded to smoke the weed in her bong.

"Fuck you," said Murdoc. But Noodle didn't listen. She just kept smoking.

Suddenly, the pickup truck started moving, but Murdoc and Noodle didn't notice as they had already smoked seven bowls of weed in the span of only ten minutes. 

Murdoc grabs a stone mask which was just so conveniently placed near his Genuine Leather Cuban Heel Boots™. "Ey, look at this mask. Isn't it like, totally creepy?" Murdoc says, totally not having an OOC moment rn, el oh el, ecs dee. I am literally laughing so hard right now I'm PEEING!

"私はそれを見て自分でおしっこするつもりだと思います," said Noodle, who was too high to speak Englishly.

"Well I don't know what the fuck ya just said so I'm puttin' this on." Murdoc put the mask on his face and a naked woman conveniently fell off a tree and landed on the pickup truck's top, inevitably giving the pickle a nosebleed. "OH MY GOD THAT IS LIKE SO TOTALLY HOT HOLY SHI--AHHHHHHHHH! IT HURTS IT HURTS! GET IT OFF!" 

The mask's claw things pierced through his brain while a mysterious white light enveloped his body. Noodle just stood there, watching this all happen. Menacingly. You could even see these things all floating around and being gay ====👉 ゴゴゴゴ.

After many seconds of blinding light and screaming, Murdoc finally fell to the floor. "愚かな緑の男、" said Noodle, "ドアネイルとして死んだ、マードックはそうです、" she drinks the bong water from her bong, "とにかくドアネイルをそんなに死なせるのは何ですか？"

Noodle decides she had enough bong water to drink so she put the water back into the bong and started smoking again. Murdoc's supposedly dead body twitched, causing Noodle to flinch because yeah. The fact that Noodle doesn't notice when a pickup truck starts to move but notices something as small as that totally makes sense.

Noodle slid over to Murdoc, examining his very dead looking body. 

"そんなにウィードを吸うべきではなかった、" she mumbled. "でもとにかくもっと喫煙し続けます。" 

Just as Noodle proceeded to get another smoke in from her bong, suddenly, as if lightning struck, came a rather slim, and pointy streak of neon green. The green grasped Noodle's neck, tight, with an inhuman grip, without the slightest intention of granting her release. Noodle wheezed probably the most mood-breaking wheeze one could ever wheeze in a situation like this one. 

The figure arose, and the mask adorning its face fell, revealing Murdoc, his face more disappointed than your ancestors watching you read this shit. "What the fuck, Noodle!? We were doing a bit!" Noodle stared at Murdoc in confusion. "Yanno, you were supposed to gasp in shock while I dug my nails into your neck while I ominously rose and shit." Noodle still sat, confused. "I was gonna wry."

They exchanged a silence or three before Murdoc ultimately decided to let her go. He crossed his arms, hungrily, for he didn't get to eat his very first meal as a vampire as it was simply too awkward for him to handle. Suddenly, Murdoc's eyes widened in realization. "Oh my god. Now that I'm a vampire and cannot be high due to high levels of not being aliveness, I've just now come to the realization that we are on the back of a moving truck!"

Noodle blinked. "...何？ トラックとは何ですか？"

"Oh for fuck's sake, Noodz, stop speaking Japanese! The readers don't know what the fuck you are saying!"

But before Noodle could respond, the pickup truck suddenly exploded, allowing them to fly higher than pizza pies on a trampoline with several people jumping on it simultaneously at once! Murdoc sat up from the dirty ground that is the dirt looking around. There was Noodle, all passed out and high, hair singed and flesh roasted. She might be dead. 

Murdoc hummed as he stood up, he grabbed a yellow clump of stuff and yanked it out of the ground. A man flew into the sky doing flippies, and then, like a cat suiciding off an elm tree, the man landed. The man might be dead. Actually, upon closer inspection...no...it can't be! DIO様!

DIO arose sexily, as usual. Murdoc stared at his thiccc ass (actually Jonathan's but wHo the fuck is that?) and licked his fat fucking lips. Boy, DIO is more than just cake, he is half of every cake, ever (Polnareff is all the cakes)! 

DIO grabs 'his' star birthmark and glances at Murdoc seductively. "Oi, watch where yer lookin', yew sod--" DIO pauses, "oh bova…I mean," DIO clears his throat vigorously and sighs. "What are you looking at?! PEASANT!"

Murdoc blushes harder than his dick is right now. He could have sworn he detected some cock-of-the-ny in that accent. That alone filled his pants up with more cream than a Suzy Q! He has a thing for cockneys (and DIO technically, canonically has a cockney accent since he grew up in London {but I'm just spitballing here [I never paid any attention to those cockney accent how-to videos I watched 《And listen, I don't ship 2doc or anything but you'd be lying if you said Murdoc don't got the hots for 2D| I mean, bitch have you seen Dirty Harry?|》]}).

Murdoc swiftly unbuckled his belt and DIO smirks. He loves dick! Boy, can't wait to put his lips arou--

Murdoc's pants fell to the ground like they did in 5/4 that one time. DIO stared at his miniscule dick and cried. "What the fuck?!" He shouted, "That's the smallest dick I've seen, ever, in my life!! Littler than Speedwagon's in that one picture on the 34, I can't believe it!!"

Murdoc frowned and chopped his head off with a tree branch and threw his remaining body into the incinerator where Danny is haunting. Murdoc bounces over to a passing man. "What the--" screams the man!

"Shut up and lemme take dat bod!" Said Murdoc as those strange stringy things latched onto the innocent man's fat juicy neck. The man screamed as Murdoc's head replaced his. 

So anyway, now that Murdoc has a new body, he sprinted towards DIO as he proceeded to fucking rip 'his' pants off of 'his' body. Murdoc was overjoyed as that man was actually Jonah Falcon which means he now has the biggest human dick ever on record!

Murdoc placed 'his' dick on DIO's cheek. DIO, very abruptly, stopped his rather embarrassing sobbings and glances at the dick on his face, his face progressively flushing in realization of just how goddamn big it was. It was like nothing he'd ever seen before! A full foot of pleasure--a little more than that, actually. 13.5 inches of sex! Damn! Where'd ya get that?

"DAMN!" yelled DIO, "NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL DICK!" DIO kissed the dick. "YOU'RE GONNA STICK THIS STICK INTO MY BUM, RIGHT, MUDA MUDA WRRRRYYYY?!"

Murdoc stares. "I guess."

DIO screams in happiness. "Why, thank you, strange sir I don't know the name of! I absolutely LOVE big, fat, juicy, considerably enormous cocks like yours!"

"Lol, kay," said Murdoc as DIO deepthroated 'his' cock in one go. DIO moaned. "Woah, mamma mia!" Murdoc blushes and screams, dammit DIO why you gotta be such a whore? Such a sexy bastard whore, but yet incomparable to the sexy bastard whore that is Guido Mista (He really makes No Nut November a challenge). Murdoc makes those weird moaning noises he always does as DIO lubricated 'Murdoc's' long John and made sure it was ready to be shoved in 'his' ass at full speed. Once he was done, Murdoc came.

DIO absolutely, positively GASPED as cum shot out from the dick like a fucking rocket to Mars and landed on every square inch of his mostly-gay, bisexual, authentic vampire wine hatch of doom and things. DIO pulled off 'Murdoc's' dick, blushing like Lobster-san in the hot tub and swallowed all the cum which has the same texture as snot by the way and does not taste like vanilla frosting, contrary to popular belief. DIO opened his mouth wide like a hentai girl showing Murdoc that his whore mouth swallowed it all but in reality where the fuck do you think it goes? Back up 'his' fuckin' urethra? Dumbass.

Murdoc upvoted this action because he likes stupid vanilla hentai because he is fuckin' stupid and told everyone on social media about it including Twitter, Facebook…whatever other social media he has, I don't fucking know my sister is gonna kill me about that but who cares about her. Because now DIO's got 'his' ass in the air and 'his' cock is positively throbbing in his dumbass leotard rn and his pants have no crotch on them.

Murdoc fucking eats DIO's dumbass yellow crotchless crotch pants and moves the leotard piece to the side. Murdoc realizes that those same Genuine Leather Cuban Heel Boots™ he had been wearing for like 20 years now have been incinerated when he threw his body in the incinerator where Danny is haunting and cried. He cried and cried until Dominatrix Abraham Lincoln and Luchi the Luchidor descended from the Heavens to check out whatever the fuck was going on.

"Why are you crying? I'll be honest, I don't really care, but it's really annoying," said the famously honest Abraham Lincoln but a dominatrix.

"My boots-->hic< my Genuine Leather Cuban Heel Boots™ have been incinerated!" gurgled Murdoc, sadly.

"Could you be what the kids call Special ED?" Luchi punched the 16th president of the United States of America but a dominatrix not to be confused with the 23rd president of the United States but a dominatrix who is Funny Dominatrix Valentine btw who the fuck is this 'Benjamin Harrison' cockass? Seriously, my social studies teacher loves the letter 'F' for some reason and I don't know why. I asked her about it and she told me that I don't pay attention in class. Please help, Ma is going crazy, crazy, crazy about it, baby. What can I do? I think she feels like the color blue but don't @ me on that. I'm not an emotion person who files emotions under colors and smells and stuff, in the arm. I hope you didn't forget Luchi's act of punching the president because that would mean you have dementia. Luchi whispers something in Lincoln's ear. Lincoln frowns.

"Te diré qué," Luchi started, "jodernos bastante bien, Abe y yo nos unimos a esa acción y te compramos botas nuevas de Cuba."

Murdoc lit up a little and when I say little I mean lot because he knows how to speak Taco unlike me who only knows how to speak Hamburger and just a little Anime and Super Mario which are three very different languages, contrary to popular belief (I fuckin' hate it when people compare Super Mario to Taco!). DIO looks up at Murdoc, feeling very confusion for he cannot speak Taco either (there's not very good phone service in a coffin 576 feet underwater, okay? He can't just hop on duolingo whenever he wants, smh). "He said they'll fuck us too if we do it good enough." DIO's jaw fell so low so fast oh my god. "He also said he'll get me new boots." 

DIO squints. "Dammit, who cares about your goddamn boots? It's been like, 1,912 words already and my ass still remains unfucked." Said DIO totally breaking the fourth wall, haha hilarious. I think this book is making me lose brain cells.

Murdoc rolled his eyes and 'his' dick plunged into 'DIO's' tight ass ass-pussy. DIO WRRRYYYYYYYYYYYs in pleasure and moans as Luchi and the Slave Emancipation Act Guy After Dark watched. "¡Lo están haciendo muy bien, chicos!" Luchi shouted as DIO and Murdoc proceeded to reenact the entire Kama Sutra.

After hours and hours of sweaty fucking and smacking sounds followed by many different types of wrying noises and screeching, Murdoc stated, while cumming his 175,682nd cum that night: "Dangit, when are you guys gonna fuck us?"

Luchi murmured and Dominatrix Abraham Lincoln glanced at his watch. "About twenty more minutes." Murdoc groaned and DIO cried. DIO always wanted a foursome. He would have done it earlier but he was busy trying out all of the dildos his fans sent him during his 100 something years underwater, leaving him only with time for threesomes, fivesomes, sevensomes, and the occasional onesome when nobody was in the mood. "Dangit, quit yer sobbin' ya big blonde baby. Twenty minutes ain't that much." This only caused DIO to sob louder. "Oy, hurry up and thrust so he can shut up." Murdoc complied and DIO was back to moaning again. "Thank you."

Soon twenty minutes passed and the morning sun crept past the leafy forest canopy because this was all happening in a forest next to some guy's cottage. As the sun proceeded to burn the two sexing vampires alive, Luchi and Abraham agreed that their plan was going swimmingly, and did a Scottish dance. The vampires wryed and we're soon dead, nothing but ashes and dust. 

Dominatrix Abraham Lincoln took off his face only to reveal 2D from Gorillaz relishing in his success. "Dat was great, wasn'it, Jonafan? We got revenge an' we still retained our heterosexualality in doing so!"

Luchi took off his mask revealing, of course, Jonathan Joestar who was crying tears of happiness. "Yes indeed, Stuart." He uddered. "I am so glad I didn't have to have sexual intercourse with my adopted brother!"

"I'm so happyyyyy!" Said 2D.

"Be right back, gonna go see my wifey rq." Said Jonathan.

"Dat's OK." Said 2D. Jonathan thanked him and ascended to Heaven.

Noodle got up and ran to 2D. "Toochi!" She said in a racist way yet the Gorillaz fandom still deems OK for some reason. "Where the hell is Murdoc?"

2D just looks at the pile of dust and smiles. "In 'ell, I suppose."


End file.
